This is the actual policy that was published in the 81st Annual Ashville 4th of July souvenir edition in last week's Advertiser. Copied word for word - incorrect wording and all. I can't believe that it took them 81 years to come up with an actual parade policy. What did we ever do without one before? The parades must have run amuck. There was probably a decline in attendance because we weren't doing it right. Seriously? We have been doing it wrong for 80 years??? Some of them are common sense and should be a rule in an organized parade, the others are out there. And knowing me as you do, you know I have to comment on them. Read on.....
1. No alcoholic beverages or illegal drugs will be permitted in the parade or line up area.
Violators will be arrested.
Ok, got it. Common sense rule #1. However, I did break this rule back in '90. Please don't tell the parade officials as I don't know what the parade policy statute of limitations is and would hate to be barred from attending or participating in parades in the future.
2. A safety chain must be used in conjunction with a ball or pin hookup on all floats.
Yep, common sense rule #2.
Hold on - it gets better!
3. No items of any kind may be thrown from the parade route to parade viewers. (candy,
fliers, campaign info, etc.)
This one is a major downer! I can remember, as a kid, everyone scampering to fill up bags with the candy thrown from the ball teams & whomever else was passing it out. It was a big deal among my cousins to see who could get the most. Should the kids be running into the middle of the street? No. Should their parents be making sure they don't? Yes. So maybe item #3 should read, "Keep an eye on your kids. Keep them out of the street during the parade. The Village is not liable if you don't act as a responsible parent and they get hit during their sugar frenzy." This will also affect all fliers handed out by churches and organizations as well as the pretty flowers that Scioto Blooms normally passes out. Hmmm...invoking rule #13 on the Village Church float could prove to be interesting!
4. All floats will carry an approved 5 lb. or more B C fire extinguisher at easy access to the
float driver.
Common sense rule #3. If your float catches on fire - put it out. The firetrucks are up ahead of you and it will take a minute for them to get to you.
5. All riders outside of truck cabs will be seated away from sides of beds and tailgates. Tail
gates must be securely closed.
For as long as I can remember, the cheerleaders have sat on the tailgates and cheered through the parade. No more, girls! You will have to sit in the bed & hope we can see you or cheer as you walk through the parade. BUT make sure you adhere to rule #10. And for the shorter members of the ball teams - could you hold up a sign so we can see where you're at in the truck?
6. No air horns or sirens are to be blown in the parade.
OMG! Really?!? Now this affects our firefighters and police officers. So what they are saying is that when the cruisers start the parade they can't use their sirens to let everyone know the-parade-is-coming-so-move- out-of-the-way. This also affects the semi-trucks that occasionally enter the parade to show off their new trucks. So when you see that cute little boy pumping his fist in the air like mad trying to get you to blow your air horn - keep on truckin'! Same for the fire trucks and cruisers. When you see someone along the route that you know - do not sound the sirens or blow horns of any kind. You're just going to have to wave and shout from now on. If not, rule #13 may occur and how freakin' embarrasing would that be?! Unfortunately, this also affects the ever-present Hillbilly floats. C'mon now - they are an Ashville 4th of July icon!
7. All floats must be preregistered and must be in all (3) parades to be eligible to win
prizes or money.
Well....DUH!!! That's like saying the Miss Ashville contestants have to be registered and in the parade to win. Hello...that's why they put the entry forms in the paper several times before the cut off time.
8. Pets, horses, bicycles, decorated autos and anything else that has to be judged must be at
the main parade route (1) one hour prior to the parade and must sign in when they arrive.
"Main parade route"? There is only one parade route that I know of. It's the same route for all three parades. So where do you want them to sign in? Anywhere along the route? Did you mean to say at the "beginning of the parade route"?
9. All elected officials are welcome to ride in the Grand Parade at no charge. There is,
however, to be no campaigning by any official in any way, including, but not limited to;
signs, buttons, literature,etc. any official or candidate for public office may ride in the
Grand Parade using CAMPAIGN SIGNS ONLY for a fee of $5O PER CANDIDATE.
Throwing of literature, buttons, or other material is prohibited during the parade.
I have to admit, this one made me shake my head in amazement. Basically, you want to charge them for advertisement. Ok. So....what about the floats that sport business or church names? Technically, that's advertising. And what is the definition of "campaign sign"? Is it a sign that tells you who the candidate is or is it one that says "Vote for me!"? I think we need some clarification before I shell out fifty bucks to ride through a parade on a hot ass July afternoon. And, as a side note, I really hope that they wouldn't consider throwing buttons anyway. But what about the other two parades? The not-so-grand ones? Do the politicians have to pay to be in those too? Or are they barred from participating?
10. All marching unts must continue in a forward motion and are NOT PERMITTED TO
STOP AND PERFORM DURING THE PARADE.
This one is a real gem too. I'm guessing that this applies to the TVHS band, Dynamic Mention, cheerleaders & baton twirlers. Ok, now if you've ever been to an Ashville 4th of July parade, you know that occasionally a train will rumble through town cutting the "main parade route" in half. So what are these performers supposed to do? Just stand there & stop playing mid-song? No more showing off your skills during a delay in the parade. Sorry, TVHS cheerleaders. I know you did awesome at competition but there will be no showing your talent during the parades. Rule #13 applies here too.
11. All motorized entries must be operated by a licensed driver.
At first glance this should be common sense rule #4. If you're driving a car or truck through the parade or pulling a float with a tractor - I agree. But what about the kids that decorate their dirtbikes and four-wheelers to ride through the parade? Does this mean they can no longer participate? Isn't that being a little discriminatory?
12. There are to be NO SQUIRT GUNS in the parade route.
Well, ok. But kids will be kids. And since the ball teams can't throw candy at their friends, shooting them with water is just as fun - for both parties. Now if they are blasting an unwilling adult (or child) then that's a different story. C'mon guys, let the kids have some fun. Isn't that what you are supposed to do at a celebration? Or has the Village become too proper to allow their kids to be just like all the others before them? And does this apply to the people watching the parade??
13. All participants are expected and required to follow directions instructions given to
them by parade officials from the Ashville Community Club. Failure to do so could
result in immediate ejection from the parade route.
Ah yes, dreaded rule #13. I would almost like to see this one happen. Logistically, I don't see how it could happen. First, are there going to be parade officials everywhere? Will they be in plain sight or are we talking undercover here? Second, how are they going to be immediately ejected? People line the streets of the "main parade route", blocking the streets off the main route. So the parade officials are going to have to move all of the people in the way and then escort the offenders away from the parade. This in itself is going to create a spectacle. I really don't see people willingly moving their seats that they have had staked out all morning or afternoon just so a parade participant can be ejected for some stupid reason. However, I think they may move rather quickly to see the drama of ejecting a cruiser or fire truck for sounding their siren! Now that I want to see!!!
What I really want to know is what happened last year to justify some of these rules. I don't recall hearing of any injuries from a mis-directed flying campaign button. Seriously, I always thought the biggest issue of the Grand Parade was who is in charge of cleaning up after the horses? Apparently, that is a non-issue because it wasn't even mentioned. Kinda makes me want to enter a float, throw a politician, some candy, a siren and some performers on it. But I'd have to pre-register and put it in all three parades if I have any chance at all of getting a prize!
