Paw Prints on My Heart

**I started writing this in January 2013. I just couldn't finish it. It had actually slipped my mind until I found it today. Even six months later it was hard to write.


As I look around the house, I see little gray paw prints on the tile floors and on her chair in the kitchen. Little paw prints made by the furry princess that drank from her paw. Little paw prints made by the furry princess that was growing old & couldn't take care of herself as she always did so her paw would get muddy from the litter. She was a proud kitty. A very proper kitty. A beautiful tabby with a little spot on her mouth that made her look like she just took a sip of hot cocoa. She was, in fact, a feline diva. Had you known her when she was a kitten, you wouldn't have thought that as she watched over her world from atop the curtain rods. She never had kittens of her own but she mothered everyone in the house. She brought up little Zoe, a little 4 week old calico that needed the comfort of a momma cat. She kept the dogs in line and let them know who really ran the house. She snuggled the Guinea pigs and didn't care that they weren't really kittens with stubby tails. She tried her best to bring the tom cat, Harley, under control, but he was a chore for even the humans. When he would play just a little too rough with her now grown-up Zoe, she would run to her rescue even though Zoe could take care of him by herself. She loved her human child, Josie, very much. She would cuddle with her at night and wake her in the morning with sassy meows, purrs, licks and head butts. She loved story time and would pick just the right spot on the bed to listen to Josie read aloud. She could tell the difference between Josie would leave to go to school & when she would go outside to play. She would sit in an open window or at the back door & cry for Josie if she was outside playing. But if Josie was at school, she would wait patiently for her to return. She loved her human daddy, even though he didn't think she liked him that much. She would surprise him by jumping up in his lap for a head scratch or talking to him while he made her dinner. She loved her human momma and would spend hours cuddling with her while Josie was at school or when she would try to read the paper. When her momma was on the computer, she would jump up on the desk & lay next to the keyboard, making it very difficult for her momma to type. But she was never asked to move because that was just a special time for them. She was a very prissy girl & liked her food a certain way. She would only eat shredded cat food & even then her humans had to chop that up into little bites. She would never lower herself to put her face in the water bowl. It was more dignified to reach in & sip from her paw. Store-bought treats were so beneath her royal-ness.The only snack she would eat was real meat torn into little bites. She had the most amazing chartreuse eyes, that could stare right into your soul like she was reading your every thought. When her body began to fail her, her eyes remained as bright as ever and remained that way until she didn't wake up again. She fought very hard to remain strong for her family & would eat even though we could tell she didn't want to. When she got weak, we all said our goodbyes & I love yous & told her it was OK not to fight anymore. A few days later, she took a nap in one of her favorite spots and made her way to the Rainbow Bridge. Even in death, our princess was a diva. Josie had chosen a fancy, pink box for her casket & lined it with the princess blanket that they shared. Inside, we placed white roses and catnip to make her trip more pleasant & to remind her of the humans that loved her very much. We buried her outside Josie's bedroom window so that she would never be too far away from her favorite girl. And our lives will never be the same again.



Princess Fiona
RIP Sweet Girl
March 25,2005 ~ January 10,2013



What Were They Thinking??

We've all had at least one someone that has left us with our mouths hanging open or at least shaking our heads. We wonder what in the world could that person be thinking or are they for real. These are true stories. I know because I've witnessed them. And me being the sharing person that I am would not feel right if I didn't let you in on the head shaking. I just want to know....what were they thinking???

You know, I don't care if you're white trash, high society, ghetto, or anything else, when you spit in public you're all the same. When I see a guy spit in public it's just gross. But when a woman does it, it's just plain nasty. Especially when she has to lean out the window of her Grand Prix so she can get some distance with it. Her momma must not have taught her to carry napkins or tissues in the car for times like that.

Then there was the time I saw a certain lady at Kroger doing her weekly shopping. Normal, right? Well, I suppose so except for the fact that she was wearing underwear on the outside of her pants. Thankfully, they were "granny panties" & not a hot pink thong. People were staring at her left & right but she didn't seem to mind. I guess I should have been thankful that is the only thing she wore on the outside of her clothes!

Apparently, there is a new protocol to saying "excuse me" when you are trying to get past someone. Normally, or so I thought, you would excuse yourself & move on by the person in your way. I think it would be considered acceptable if you lightly place your hand on their back so they know you are there & don't move into you. I didn't get the email, but at some point where you place your hand became further south. Yes, south. As in the butt area. I know this only because the new protocol was exercised on me in WalMart. Course, he was an older man & maybe he looked through his bifocals wrong & misjudged the location. Yeah...that's what it was!

I was running errands today & two women came into a store that I was at. The cashier looked over at them, her eyes got big & she shook her head. Nonchalantly - but she still shook it. I couldn't help myself, I had to look. The one woman was a big girl. (Now before anyone gets all defensive, I can say that cause I am on the big girl side of the fence too.) Anyway, she was a big girl that was well endowed. So far, there's nothing wrong with this picture. Until you process what she was wearing. Ok...quick like a bandaid! She had on knit shorts that were too small & a tshirt that was at least a size too small and about 6 inches too short. Oh, and last but not least, no bra. So picture the shirt not covering much past her boobs and her belly hanging out. But the worst of it is that when she moved she looked like Madea coming over the counter at the fast food restaurant in Madea's Happy Family. If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about & are now in disbelief. If not, watch it & a light bulb will come on & you will be grossed out all over again!

Vacumming the Vacuum

      That's it! I've had it! No longer can I bear the convenience of "bagless" vacuum cleaners. No fuss, no muss... Who are they kidding?? That is a true statement until the first time you have to empty the container that replaced the bag. Then it's nothing but fuss and muss with a little bit of swearing thrown in for good measure. After several attempts of emptying it, I finally learned that it's best to empty it BEFORE I vacuum. Inevitably, dust, dirt and whatever else is going to escape its confines and land on the floor. If that's going to happen I would prefer it not be on a clean carpet. And then there's the part above the container, I'm not sure what it is called or what it is good for other than trapping pet hair and making a giant dust bunny. Cleaning it is neither fuss or muss free. I've gone so far as to hold a plastic Kroger bag under it before taking it apart. Still some of the dust bunny and it's gritty bits escape. Now the inside of the vacuum is dirty. I need a vacuum to vacuum my vacuum or a dust buster at the least. Don't even get me started on the way it cleans the hard floors. Even though it is supposed to do a great job, I could vacuum the kitchen for an hour and it still won't be clean. So I purchased a second string of tools to step in where the vacuum failed. The list includes a broom that vacuums while it sweeps - not bad except for really heavy things like pieces of cat litter. And the mini vacuum which actually does fairly decent on most jobs. And rounded out by the Swiffer. This one I've tried before and was hoping it would have improved over the years. But it's only really good for dust and cat hair. I did discover that it's awesome for getting rid of cobwebs and dust on the walls. Because of that it won't be going to the trash can. So I've resorted to the old broom and dust pan. Simpler can be better. I've always thought upright vacuums were better than their canister counterparts but all this dirt drama has me longing for simpler times and my mom's canister vacuum that I used to lug around from room to room. It had all kinds of attachments and did an awesome job on the linoleum, carpet, stairs and baseboards. It even reached clear under the bed and furniture. And best of all it had that neat little feature...bags! Sweet little dirt and dust trapping inventions that made emptying the vacuum a breeze instead of another cleaning project. I'm beginning to realize why Mom ignored my teen aged pleas for an upright vacuum cleaner. I think I'm going to Sears and pick my up a sweet little Kenmore canister, with it's shiny, silver tubes, retractable cord that seems never ending, the multitude of accessories that are good for just about anything, that kinky hose that makes that funny sound when you pull it around the corner of the wall and the best part - bags! And when I get that beauty home I'm sending that upright out to the man cave annex (aka our enclosed patio) so the hubs can enjoy it until its final days. Incidentally, that may be sooner than later depending on when he empties it for the first time. You'll know when it happens because there will be a lot of swearing and it will be put out with the trash the following Sunday night!

The Visitor

OK...so last night was a little on the creepy side. Josie wanted to sleep with both of us, so she came up with a schedule of who would sleep with her at what times (in my bed no less!). John had the first shift since he is usually back in his recliner by 1:30am. The plan was for me to sleep in my recliner and have him to wake me up so I could stumble to my bed in the middle of the night. That was OK because I figured the worst that could happen was I would sleep in my recliner all night. Boy, was I wrong!
Everyone had went to bed and the cats were starting to settle in and go to sleep. I was on facebook (of course) and listening to the Sully Erna CD that I just synced to my phone. Around midnight, I decided that I was getting tired and turned off the TV, took out my contacts and settled in my recliner with my Snuggie. I was just drifting off when a lamp on the other side of the room came on. By itself. I looked around and all the animals were in the same places they were earlier. Josie had been over there earlier plugging in her DSi so I thought maybe the plug was loose and that's why it came on. But at the same time I wasn't very comfortable about getting up to check things out. The longer the light stayed on, the longer I contemplated going to my room and making a bed on the floor! Finally, I decided that John would be up in a little bit and he could turn the light off. So I told myself, "Go back to sleep." Seconds after I did that, the light flickered and turned off. Properly freaked out, I got up and turned on the light next to me. Surely a cat walked by and pulled the plug out of the wall, because after all it was loose this whole time. I went over to plug the light back in and found that the plug was firmly in the wall. OK...so the bulb is loose, right? Nope! If that bulb was in any tighter it would have broken off in the lamp. So...what's next? The switch. Must be the switch that's messed up. And once again...no. The light turned on and off perfectly fine. Somehow I maintained calmness, turned off the light and got back into my Snuggie, turned out the other light and got in the recliner. Knowing that John would be in the living room soon, I tried to visualize a protective force around me and eventually drifted off to sleep. I woke up to a noise and saw the light on in the kitchen. John came in the living room and before he could sit down, I blurted out the night's events and was down the hall before he could say anything. I got in bed with Josie and Wolfie and fell asleep before I knew it.
Fast forward to this morning. I was retelling the story to John and Josie - just in case they thought I was talking in my sleep earlier. John said, "I remember you telling me about it last night. But that's not all that happened." Apparently, John had his own visitor last night after I went to bed. He was in his recliner and the full moon was filtering through the blinds in the dining room. He saw a shadow of a woman standing in the corner of the dining room that leads into the living room. The same corner as....the flickering light!
This led to a discussion of "why does that freak you out" and "it doesn't bother me" and "it's just your mom". OK for the record it doesn't freak me out that my mom hangs out from time to time. It's actually kind of comforting. But the reality of it all - flickering lights and seeing shadows - is the part that kind of weirds me out. And even that is contradictory because when she moves the wind chimes in the bathroom it doesn't bother me at all. I suppose it makes me uncomfortable because I don't know for sure it's her. I mean, we've had pictures move, rubber ducks fall in the tub and even had one large picture fly off the wall. For awhile there was an uncomfortable presence in the house so I burned the sage and asked the negativity to leave. It helped because nothing has happened in months. Until now....

Another Day in the Life...

So yesterday Josie duped me into a book about glamour girls. She said it was part of a series she had read. As the evening progressed, I began to figure out that this wasn't exactly the case. It was more of a handbook on how to be a glamour girl. Big difference!!! In it she found a recipe for lipgloss & decided to make some last night. And it went like this:

Jo: Look at this. I'm going to go make some.

Me: (looking over list of ingredients) I don't think we have any of those flavor extracts.

Jo: (rummaging) We have Vanilla!

Me: (remembering what the clean kitchen looked like)

Jo: (making all kinds of noise)

Me: What are you using for the Vaseline?

Jo: No! I don't need Vaseline! It said jelly.

Me: Huh? Wait! What are you using?!?!

Jo: This jelly on the counter.

Me: The new strawberry preserves?!

Jo: Yes.

Me: Wait! Stop!! You can't use that!! It said petroleum jelly! You know...Vaseline!! (headache getting worse)

Jo: What?!

Me: What have you put in the bowl? Just the jelly?

Jo: Yes.

Me: Ok. Put it back in the jar & put it in the fridge.

Jo: Arrrghhh!! (slams, bangs, stomps around)

Dad: Why can't she? What kind of jelly does she need? What's Vaseline?

Me: Really?!? (rolls eyes & searches for Valium)

Dad: (still waiting for answer)

Me: You know...Vaseline...petroleum jelly...skin softener...

Dad: Can I get her some at IGA?

Me: No! You can get her some generic kind at Dollar General!! (turning back to online bingo, trying to disappear)

Fast forward to this morning. Josie still has her nose buried in the glamour book. This is amusing to me because all the way to Grove City yesterday, she loudly declared her tomboyism. Now there is a budding fashionista in our midst & I, for one, am scared as hell!! Today she found a page about how to be a celebrity. Again, I ask myself, "What have you done?!" It wouldn't be so bad if she was just playing around. But she is taking this seriously. I know there will be a fight tomorrow morning about why she cannot dress like that & go to school! How could I possibly know this, you ask? Well, considering we are currently arguing about why she can't put on her good clothes to play outside in just because she wants to be a celebrity, I'd say it's mother's intuition. Add to that the fact that her black tights now have a hole in them & Dad just patched them up with electrical tape &...well...you figure out the odds!

My life. You can't make this stuff up!! Although sometimes I wish I was!

So...I'm a grandma now....

       So...I'm a grandma now. Those of you that know me are rereading that and saying "what-the-what" or recalulating how old you thought my daughter was.  
     The exciting event happened about a week ago. She's as cute as can be. Big blue eyes. Lots of hair with cute little cowlicks everywhere. She already recognizes me and just coos when she sees me. It's just the sweetest thing!! Finally, I know how my girlfriends with grandbabies feel. It's all the love of your own kid without all the work! This grandparent thing is a killer job!!
     The only unfortunate part about the whole situation is that she is....a Guinea pig!
     We got our daughter a Guinea pig for Christmas. She had been wanting one for a few months but we just weren't sure that she was ready. I had her read books on their care and write me a report about them so that I knew she really read them. She even wrote a "care contract" for all three of us to sign. So the hubs and I discussed it and piggy shopping we went.
     We took time out from our date-day and stopped in Petland. Of course, John had to check out all the puppies first and then check to see if they had one of those ugly hairless cats he wants. Meanwhile, I headed for the Guinea pigs and began the search. All I knew is that she wanted a black and white one. Preferably an American because they are supposed to be easier to groom, at least that's what she read in those books. So while I'm chasing the pigs around their cage, John is trying to make nice with a ferret and ends up being attacked! Amazingly enough, ferrets don't like it when you blow in their faces! Whodathunk it?! Apparently not John.
     I must have looked desperate or something because one of the employees came over offering assistance. I began to tell her about Josie and the piggy quest and told her what we were looking for. I told her it had to be an American because they are easier to care for. Tyiara told me that the Abyssians are just as easy to groom. Now there's a bonus because their hair is all over the place and it really adds to their personality! They also had one with an afro! Must've been a mix between an American and an Abyssian. Anyway, she gives her sales pitch and it's our lucky day because when you buy the cage the piggy is free! I'm liking this! So while John is off looking at the fish or apologizing to the ferret, Tyiara and I go down the small pet aisle looking for goodies for our new pet. She goes and piles up all the goodies on the counter and I meet back up with John at the Guinea pigs. I'm really torn because there was only one black and white Abyssian and it was the cutest thing ever but how was I going to keep it a secret until the following weekend at Christmas? It would never happen!! I was already about to burst from excitement and there is no way Josie would never notice it. Tyiara told me that we could bring Josie back in after Christmas and she could pick it out. So that's what we decide to do. I paid for everything and ended up winning a $20 gift card! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!!
     Fast forward to a few days before Christmas. I called back down to Petland to reming them that we are coming down in a few days and to make sure they will have a black and white one. "No more deliveries until after New Year's." Say what now?! Fortunately, they had one left like we were looking for and they put it back for us. Whew! Christmas disaster averted!!
     We made a big deal out of it Christmas morning. The cage wasn't under the tree and we acted like there was a present we forgot. She already opened her DSi so she wasn't expecting anything else big. So I lugged it in from the garage and sat it in front of her. It was wrapped in a contractor's bag and she was very confused! She got the bag opened and started screaming! John got the bright idea to ask her where the piggy was. Now keep in mind that this cage is full of stuff and nowhere ready to house anything. The poor girl is searching all over the cage for her pet but it's not there. "It must have gotten out," she said. No, baby, your dad is being a goof. It wasn't there to begin with!
     Josie and I headed off to Petland that Monday morning. We went in and picked up some food and an exercise ball. We went over to the Guinea pigs to see what was there and they had two left. Wow! Neither was black and white. Looks like I called at the right time! Poor little afro guy was still there though. We lugged everything up to the counter and before I could say anything, Josie told the salesperson, "I'm here for my Guinea pig!!" Evidently, she was used to overly excited kids because she just took it in stride and went off to find it. She brought it back out and took it back out and what do you know?? It was the same one I picked out before Christmas!!! Now that's destiny right there!! Josie was oohing and ahhing and "Mommy loves you" all the way to the truck. We got in the truck and that's when she made her announcement. "Oreo, that's your grandma! And now we are going home to see grandpa!" Umm...that's who? Grandma?? To a Guinea pig??? Oh what the hell! I'm already a mom to two dogs and two cats.
     I must admit this grandma thing isn't too bad. I get to play with Oreo and let her snuggle and purr on my shoulder while I do crosswords and then put her back in her cage. Josie is in charge of the feeding and the cleaning and grooming. I'll admit...it's not my preference of a grandchild but it'll have to do for the next ten or fifteen years! The only thing is now I want to get a little friend for Oreo! Why is it I always think our pets need to have live-in friends?!? I'm sure I'll be going back to Petland before too long!!

The end of Halloween??

     There is something really wrong with me. I really hope it's just a weird temporary thing because this could possibly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I'm really worried because I think I've lost the Halloween spirit (gasp)! For anyone that knows me, this is a tragedy. Halloween is absolutely my most favorite holiday. In fact, the only thing that could make it better is if my birthday was on October 31st! I love everything Halloween. If I had my way, I would have one room in the house permanently decorated for Halloween. There would be skulls & bats, coffins & vampires, cobwebs & witches, a bubbling cauldron & spider webs. But it would be classy Halloween. You know, the high-end stuff they sell at Michael's and Target. But needless to say, that got so vetoed! Just wait...when I grow up and get a place of my own...oh, yeah...that would be now. (Sigh.) It's really unfair because John has skulls in the Man Cave. Half of which I bought for him just so I could look at them. But I digress and that is the stuff another blog is made of.
     So as I was saying, I have this possibly fatal thing going on with me. Not fatal to me, but to my spirit of Halloween. I am just not in the Halloween mood. Normally, before the end of September the yard is decorated. Cob webs on the bushes. A skeleton hanging from a tree. A shrieking ghost that flies back and forth on the front porch. A witch's cauldron with lights and tulle that makes it look like some glowing smoke is coming out. The poor witchy-poo that drank too much Apple Pie and crashed into the Locust tree. The inflatable biker skeleton on the chopper & the giant inflatable skull. The list goes on. Well, normally it would.
     I tried to decorate two weeks before Pumpkin Show. Josie even helped. We went and got a bunch of pumpkins (12 to be exact) and set them around the trees and front porch. And then we went to the shed to get the rest of the goodies. And there is where what Halloween spirit I had floated away. The goodies were buried! Behind the lawn mower, behind some crates and propane tanks and under some Christmas lights. Now let me just say my hubs is in charge of the shed because it's a smaller version of the garage. It was a self-appointed postion, mind you, because I would not have organized the decorations in this manner! So after I moved the good ole John Deer and ran over Josie's bike in the process (which was in a location it should not have been!), we started to dig. Let me stop here to say that Josie is a good helper. Except when it comes to manual labor. She is one of the strongest kids I know but she can fake weakness at the drop of a hat. So after much whining and arguing, the crates and totes are moved out of the way. But there is still one giant tote of Christmas lights on top of the totes I need into. Of course, I picked one of the hottest Saturdays in October to do this. And this shed has no ventilation except for the doors. And we are hot and grumpy. And getting grumpier by the second. I managed to dig out some scarecrows. I'm fussing about whoever put the Christmas junk on top of the Halloween goodies and what I would like to do to their unorganized selfs. Josie, the ever supportive one, says, "Mom, let's just give up. I'm hot. This is soooo ridiculous! What idiot did this?" It goes on but it gets repetative and I'm very sure you get the idea. Since I am hot and irritated, I join in. "Why on earth wouldn't they pull the Halloween stuff out and put the Christmas stuff in first? Where is the logic in this? Ohmygosh! I can't supervise EVERYTHING!!" And since that part of my soul that takes care of the Halloween spirit is either on vacation or life support, I do something so unlike myself. I give up.
I pull out the scarecrows and arrange them with the pumpkins on the front porch. Ta-da! That's it! I'm good until Christmas! I stared at the porch and even though it looks nice I still felt a little sad inside.
     We went back in the shed and put everything back like it was. Well, almost. Like I said I was irritated. And hot! And grumpy! And I figured as long as I could get the lawn mower back in, it was all good! I did find my skull and roses wreath though. I'm going to hang it on the Mom Cave door and dare anyone to ask me when I'm taking it down!