Vajazzle

     So the other night, Jennifer Love-Hewitt announced to George Lopez and the rest of the world that she "vajazzles". Since I missed the show, I didn't have a good idea about what the fuss was about. Which is unusual because normally I'm on top of things. To try to iron all this out, I consulted my good friend Google. First pictures I saw were undies that said "Vajazzle". Ok, they were cute and sparkley but no biggie. Then I started reading the blurbs and found a how-to page. (Well, sort of. It's not like there was follow along pictures or anything - so if you don't have a good imagination that isn't going to work for you.) Anyway, it's pretty simple. Two whole steps.
     Step 1 - get an ouchless Brazillian. Ouchless Brazillian! Now if that's not the epitome of an oxymoron I just don't know what is. It should be listed as an example in the dictionary. I will admit I have a fear of the Brazillian. I tried waxing my legs once and it ended in painful disaster. Now if they think I'm going to do that to my far more delicate nether region, then they are high on something I don't want a part of. I have a girlfriend that gets a Brazillian at the beginning of swimsuit season just like she's going to get her nails done or something. Like going to get wax applied and then ripped off of your vajajay is no big deal. I'm afraid, for me anyway, an ouchless Brazillian would have to include some Versed or something else to knock me out completely. Wake me up when it's all over and give me some Percocet for the pain! Maybe we could modify step 1 to "shave the area to be vajazzled". That I could live with.
    Step 2 - apply crystal tattoo. Are these the same crystal tattoos that you can find in the makeup aisles of WalMart? Or do I have to order them special off of the internet? The directions don't specify but do say to be careful because that area is sensitive. (Really?! Did you just realize that now? I'll bet you figured that out after you had your "ouchless" Brazillian!) But still this could be festive. Use a different tattoo for each holiday. Get special ones for the big game day. And if you have a really steady hand you could get the individual crystals and spell out your man's name or honey-do list. Bet he wouldn't forget those chores then! And I suppose if you aren't into all the sparkley, then you could apply regular temporary tattoos. There's a lot more variety in that genre. If you are really creative, you could create an entire scene with the tattoos. Then we could call it Vaj-art. And for those truly brave souls out there, you could actually get a permanent tattoo - but it wouldn't have the bling factor.
    Still, I don't know what would possess a person to come up with this? How much boredom does it take for a person to say "I'm going to wax my vajajay and bling it up a bit." Maybe a stripper or a porn star came up with it. I don't know for sure but I can bet that it is going to become a trend. It's been on national tv, the internet, blogs (other than mine) and there is even a salon in New York that does it. What I think will be surprising is the age of the women that do it. I think this just won't be for the 20 year old bikini wearers. I think it will be a hit with every imaginative and adventurous woman of almost any age. Besides isn't 40 the new 30 or something? So go on ladies - run out and get some bling and surprise your honey! And when you see me out and about, feel free to let me know how that ouchless part worked out for you - just don't show me the pictures of it on your cell phone!