La mort d'une amitie. Une tragedie parce que c'est vrai.

I'm assuming you are pulling another one of your famous fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth tricks. That's nice. I thought you were over that. But maybe you are truly happy in isolation or maybe you have burned so many bridges you have no other option. The whole situation makes me wonder if the letters you sent me were your true feelings or if it was just a set-up because you knew you were going to need a place to stay. And I fell for it. Opened my house & my family up to it. Once again, my daughter got attached to someone & they walked out of her life.Yes, your daughter got attached to me but it was your doing that took me out of her life, not mine. I want to thank you. Just when I was starting to trust again, you taught me that I can't truly trust anyone. I mean, if I can't trust someone I've known for over 30 years who can I trust? No one, I suppose, except my husband and child.

This whole thing goes way deeper than the money you owe me - although that is plenty. You & I both know you never had any intention of upholding your financial obligation to me. But the trust I had allowed me to believe that you wouldn't do that to me or my family. Especially knowing our financial situation. But you had no problem with us keeping a roof over your head, buying your food, beer & cigarettes. Makes me wonder if his family was right in not wanting him to get close to you. Maybe they could see through the facade you presented to the world. When the first payment date passed, I thought your first paycheck was delayed. But when the second date passed with no word from you I knew that I wouldn't hear from you again. It's a little sad to think that you are capable of screwing over anyone. Even the person that always supported you in all the things you did - even when they didn't make any sense. Who else can you say has done that for you?

Like I said this goes deeper than all that. The fallout is bad enough. The calls from collectors - which actually got a little fun after awhile when I would tell them everything I could to help them locate you. Listening to my husband say "I told you so." My daughter in her naivete still missing you, even though she knows the truth. My friend that couldn't look me in the eye or talk to me for over a month because of embarrassment that was caused by you. My true friends disbelief that my alleged best friend would treat me like that. You say that your daughter doesn't want to be with you. Can you truly blame her? Do you think that she can't see you for who you really are? I think blaming your parents is a scapegoat because who would want to admit that kind of truth?

Here's some more truth. I'm glad you left before the holidays. Glad because I can only imagine the drama that would have been if you had stayed much longer. And I don't just mean in my household. You would have wreaked havoc in another household that is very dear to me - even though you know it would have be wrong. I would probably have had to get into my inheritance by now considering how much the household bills increased with supporting you. And that would have been ok with you - even though it's Christmas time. And even though that money is for me to fall back on when I get older not to spend just because someone else can't pay their bills. It's amazing how many people incorrectly assume we are loaded just because my Mom passed away - why should you be any different? And I'm glad you aren't coming back. (Well, at least not to this house. There's no more room at this inn.) Now I don't have to pretend or wish that we are the same as we were growing up. That relationship is nothing more than a memory. That, too, is sad. It never needed to be that way. But maybe you thought I was too smart & I would eventually see through that facade & move out of your life a long time ago. Or maybe our whole relationship was a facade in itself. And it's also sad that I lost opportunities with many friends because I could never see past you. You were THE Best Friend. The inseperable ones. The sister I never had & thought I wanted. Thankfully, that is no longer an issue I have. Over the years I have come to learn that it's ok to have more than one close friend. That there are different levels of friendship & it's ok to have as many as there is room for in your heart.

I truly feel sorry for you. That you can't open your heart to others in a real way. That you don't allow love or trust or true emotion inside. That you don't let others in rather than keeping them at arm's length. I'm sorry for you that you are in a downward spiral & can't find your way out. I'm sorry that we will never be the girlfriends that grow old together, talking about our grandchildren & sharing memories while sipping iced tea in the swing. Most of all, I am sorry for you that you are missing out on one of the best friends you could have ever asked for.

I hope you find what you are looking for before it is too late for you to enjoy it. I hope you realize that it's ok to be happy with what you have instead of missing what you don't. I hope that one day you are able to let go of all the bitterness you hold inside so you can start to heal from all the hurt. I hope you allow someone in your heart so that you won't be so lonely & isolated.

Take care of yourself.